Love is the foundation of life. We make love to create life, yet most people don’t recognize its true meaning. “I love you” is the most misunderstood and misrepresented expression today followed by “falling in love”. In a society paralyzed by epidemic proportions of fear, manifested as low self-esteem, deception, manipulation and disillusionment, the question remains, where is the love?
Over the years, I have personally interviewed and counseled thousands of professional singles, resulting in many successfully matched couples. In my experience, the most prevalent factor affecting society and relationships today concurrent with our high-tech and high-power world is that people have lost sight of value. Ironically as well, in an era in which we are all connected by advanced technology, we have become distant, lacking basic human contact, leaving us more isolated and inaccessible than ever in history. Today, our lifestyles are marked by materialism, status, superficiality, immediate gratification, competition, emotional detachment, control, and the loss of cultural identity, moral values and ethics. The established institutions of marriage and family have severely deteriorated to an unrecognizable state. The Holy Bible says, “For what profit is it for a man to inherit the whole world but then lose his soul?” I add, is a man’s wealth measured by his possessions if he has no value or values in having attained them and he lives without love?
Lack of self-esteem is the most frequently cited cause for failed relationships. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are over 100 Million singles living in the U.S. today and that number is expected to grow to 110 Million by the year 2010. Sixty-five percent of couples separate! The other 35% of couples stay unhappily together for security, money, children, religion or appearances. Most times this results in infidelity or other socially toxic manifestations of their breach to themselves, their partners, their families, and society at large. In my estimation, less than 2% of couples have what I refer to as a TRUE Connection™. In today’s highly intelligent, money-oriented, and litigious society, everyone is critically wary. People are tirelessly analyzing and faulting one another. Their feigned sense of self-worth justifies their belief that they deserve only their lofty expectations. Later, they become disheartened with the actuality that their expectations do not exist!
My approach to discovering a True Connection™ begins with consciousness, first of oneself and then of one's other, followed by the conscious choice to climb in love as opposed to the subconscious attraction and romantic inclination to "fall in love." Romance is not real; it is of the imagination. Yet most people make the biggest decision of their lives to marry under its guise. When the romantic ideal wears off, each realizes the reality of the other and begins to become disillusioned by their projected perception of the other, not who the other really is. That’s when complications arise. Remember, when we fall we get hurt; when we climb slowly, gradually, one step at a time, over a period of time, we can build a sound foundation for a TRUE LOVE to exist, develop and flourish.
Most relationships begin and end for love or money. Love in the absence of value is not love, however, it is a misunderstood notion that is often confused with a sense of affection, need, desire or lust. Love is not an emotion. In essence, love is an expression of value. It is unequivocally one’s value for another and one’s expression of that value that constitutes love. Similarly, money if not expressed or exchanged, has no value in and of itself; it is merely an instrument with which to measure value. In realizing this certainty and transforming our value systems, we can discover our truths and increase our self-esteem to favorably influence our relationships. If you do not value yourself, how can another love you? And moreover, how can you ever truly love anyone else?
Once we value ourselves and accept our individual strengths and weaknesses, then we must accept and value others in light of their strengths and weaknesses. Each of us is here to learn, grow, and make the most of perfecting ourselves, evolving and eventually leaving our world and the people we have touched a bit better than it would have been without us. “Man is not an island onto himself.” Mainly by genuine relating, we are afforded the opportunity to grow and evolve spiritually and emotionally. If we are not challenged, we exist in stagnancy and complacency. When challenged, we can transform both ourselves and our relationships. We each have the choice to accept ourselves and our relationships with consciousness and harmony, rather than oblivion with pain, strife, and despair. Love is realizing that although we are uniquely distinct from one another, we are each universally alike.
So, how do we find true love? Integrity and physics! We attract what we are. First, you must fully know, understand, accept and value yourself and your own unique individual life purpose. Only when you truly love yourself and exercise the courage to be true to yourself despite the challenge, will you be empowered to attract a like-minded person who will truly value and love you for what makes you distinctly unique and special. It’s that simple!
Finally, you must be open to receiving love when it’s knocking at your door! Love is the greatest gift. And gifts are to be received with an open heart and mind. If we remain closed, cynical and blocked by fear, judgmentally eliminating others because of superficial qualities, false perceptions, ulterior motives, idealistic expectations or past wounds, we are certain to plague potentially fine relationships before they ever have a chance, forcing love away. If we open ourselves with truth, faith, trust and compassion, love will come to us. With a firm sense of value, openness, and receptiveness, each of us is capable of attracting and maintaining a true lasting love. ♥
